Sometimes people talk about personal boundary within a relationship.
Do you wonder what that is?
Do you instead think that there should be no secret, no private space in a relationship?
Personal boundary doesn't mean keeping a secret from your beau.
It is just about what are you comfortable and not comfortable doing.
How do you know?
Is by listening to what your heart says. You are sensitizing with yourself and be honest to what you truly feel.
What about those couple who seems comfortable doing everything together.
It is because they have earned that trust and comfort with each other.
For example, your man pushes you for sex in a first date.
When a man pushes you for sex in a first date, chances are, he has yet to earn your trust to that level yet. When he does that, you listen to your gut feeling, that it's just not the time, even when you like him very much.
It could be because your gut feeling tells you that he will soon leave right after the two of you do it.
It could be you actually feel there's something off about him, even that you like him quite a lot, that you have yet to figure out.
It could be because he has yet to make you feel safe.
It could be because you are just not that comfortable opening up to a man so fast.
It could be because you are afraid you are the one who is going to lose interest if he turns out to be not as good in bed as you expected, and you just don't want to kill that thrill just yet.
You want to enjoy more about who he is and find out what makes him who he is.
Listen to your heart and and take care of yourself. Don't reject that part of you.
When you reject any part of you, especially your feelings, you are not showing love for yourself.
When you are not loving yourself first, you will turn bitter and angry, and start to blame others for what you do.
You will become a pleaser, who
How to reinforce your personal boundary.
If you understand how men works, you will know that talking is pointless.
Listing your personal boundary in front of him and merely talking about it won't get the point across.
Even worse, if you somehow get those list of boundaries from other people, like your mom, or some irresponsible relationship advice, and you don't really believe it, and yet you enforce it anyway, it will make you come across as hypocritical and manipulative, and definitely lacking integrity.
For example, let's say you say "Sorry, I don't let any man come to my house, because my mom tell me not to." but then you are not even showing that you truly believe in that theory, and you're not even staying with your mom anymore.
He will certainly thinks that you're just not into him and making excuse not to let him in. Your vibe will be reminding him to a rigid school teacher in the past and soon, if he chooses to be with you, he will be controlled by some stupid rules that you follow religiously, that he doesn't even able to relate to.
If a man ask if he can stay at your place for a while on a first date, immediately feel the reaction in your body. Feel it. Listen to it. What does it tell you. You don't need to reply a person immediately. You can always take a second or two, to feel it in your body first.
If your gut tells you "Haha, omg, he's so irresistible, I can't resist him, but.... I'm just not ready to let him into my house. I don't even know him yet. What if he robs me? Even if not, I'm just scared that further things happen now, it may change the dynamic of the relationship and... I'm just not ready for that to happen...", then your body language and expression will show.
You will look down, smiling and slightly biting your lips, but then you will cover your belly with your arms, and say "I think it's getting late, I think I'll call it a day.", with a shy smile on your face, glancing at him.
You see, we women communicate in an indirect way. We are gentle soul and we give allowance to the uncertainty and unclear definition of our feelings. We don't have to tell a man everything, at one shot, at such an instant point in time.
In fact, by instinctively not telling him everything just yet, it will test his level of connection with us, and find out how much he feels us.
However, by all means, if somehow your gut feeling honestly telling you that you are ready for a more intimate moment with him, even on your first date, then go for it.
This could be because he has proven his value to you in that one time of date. Like for example, if being a stranger he has sacrificed something for your sake, just because he sees your vulnerability. Like for example if you met him through an accident, and he actually sacrificed himself to protect you.
When you meet him again in a date, you cried to him and you feel how much you trusted him and how safe you feel when you're around him. You reminisced that fateful day with him and he felt how much of a hero he is to you.
From there, the two of you connect emotionally. He feels you, and you feel him.
You see, life is a case by case basis, there's no hard and fast rule to anything. It all depends on the situation and condition.
Remember that the most important thing in a relationship is the emotional connection. As long as every single moment you are establishing this, even non-verbally, you are up for a great relationship.
Having healthy boundary is not about being distant.
In fact it is the opposite of that.
Having a healthy boundary is not about being distant. It is about getting attuned to your own feelings and acknowledging them, and then communicating that to others.
By acknowledging your feeling and communicating them, you are giving to yourself and opening up to others about what you can take and what you can't take.
The opposite to having a healthy boundary is to be the "yes man" just so that you are accepted and liked by others.
You seem to be compliant to others, but deep down you are harboring suppressed resentment and anger.