The one rare quality that high value men deeply desire in a woman, is her depth, as a woman.
Her substance, as a woman.
Without this quality, a man and a woman would not be able to engage in a deep, meaningful conversation.
Without this quality, it is impossible to create a sense of deep connection, whereby each individual understands each other and truly relate to what each other is feeling. Without this quality, a couple will not stand the test of time, or even go through hard times together.
Without this quality, there will be no strong foundation to a long term committed relationship, as there isn't much value to fight for the relationship.
But what is a woman of depth?
What a woman of depth looks like:
A woman of depth makes you feel safe and un-judged around her, as is a woman who choose to understand first, before being understood.
Because she understands, that not many people has the awareness and the courage to start giving that valuable resource of openness and vulnerability first, before others do.
We as women, at our basic un-informed core, have the tendency to blame others.
This is because, many times in the past, especially during those times whereby physical strength is the only key to survival, our men responded favorably to the feeling of guilt that are induced to them surrounding us.
This may seem like a good strategy to get attention from men.
The problem with that is, nowadays the environment has changed, for good and bad. For good, as we no longer survive by hunting wild animals for food, that for it we need to rely to a man's physical strength for a survival. With the gender equality that has been applied, we can now survive on our own by getting a job or setting up a business to fend for ourselves.
The downside of this independence is that, men are no longer seeing the purpose of being around us to protect us. Although deep down they still feel the inherent needs to provide and protect for us, they just don't see the need to do it anymore.
For instance, if today the civilization had been the same as million years ago except with a cellphone, our men would probably send us messages and call us every now and then, to check on our safety, and the safety of our children.
But that is not the case anymore.
So in order to get his attention, after not receiving their messages for days, we blame them and giving them the cold shoulder when they don't text us for a few days.
At their core, they don't even understand why we are angry. They don't understand the feeling of pain in us as a result of that perceived abandonment. They are not even aware that WE perceive his action as abandonment, unless he has been dating several women in the past and that these women are showing the same hurt as we do.
As a result he feels blamed for nothing. And this creates resentment in them about us.
It's almost the same feeling as if you suddenly get arrested for a crime that you never commit. Imagine that. How would you feel.
As a woman of depth, we have to believe in total acceptance of others, and don't expect others to behave or react in a certain way. A woman of depth understands that every single person on this planet may perceive things in a way that is surprisingly different from the way she does. Whether she is happy the result of that perception is a separate matter. She chooses to understand things for what they are.
Now, I am not saying that what our men do is right, neither that I say we should not feel hurt of this perceived abandonment.
A woman of depth embraces all the raw emotions and feelings that she is feeling. She is feeling it in her, deep in her, that she doesn't reject and judge herself of being wrong. When she is happy, she is feeling it deep in her, with the smile on her face, in deep ecstasy.
When she feels hurt, she is surrendering to that pain and cry in her bed, instead of blocking and numbing that feeling just because she is so afraid of getting hurt.
A woman of depth also loves herself enough, that she won't just do things to please others, even when such action hurts her, or betrays her sense of self. She comes from a place of understanding and care for others, and yet won't compromise with the gut feeling that she feels within her.
So, in spite of feeling the pain of the result of his unintentional action, we should not accuse our men for intentionally hurting us, by abandoning us.
Instead, as a woman of depth, we have an aspiration on how we would want ourselves to be, how the perfect situation would look like, and how others could have been.
That includes how our men could have treated us :)
With vulnerability and hope, we thrive to get to the point we are dreaming of, even when we think the pathway to it won't be straightforward.
After all, there's a saying, we can't change a man, right?
We can't change a man, but we can influence him. In fact, by just existing in this world, we are already influencing the people around us.
We, as a woman of depth, are warm. We are gentle and soft, that we put ourselves out there with open heart to touch others and help them to overcome their pain. We have this magical 'healing vibe' that makes people feel comfortable opening up to us.
A woman of depth is a woman who is emotionally resourceful, that she knows that loving others won't get her run out of love, even when she is at the state of feeling unloved. She is so emotionally resourceful that she has the courage to accept herself for who she is, even at the time when she felt the whole world is ignoring her.
So as a woman of depth we are, we love our men anyway. We accept the fact that, that is what happened; that our men don't text us.
A woman of depth is attuned to her surroundings, and how that surroundings make her feel deep inside, and also how that surroundings affect the people around her. Due to this attunement, she is perceived as intelligent.
We as women, at our very basic make up, tend to be not as brainy as men are. This is because braininess, and intelligence, is actually a very masculine traits. Whereas we as women are generally more feminine in our nature. So, many of us who has little motivation to the pursuit of knowledge, would then they give up in the pursuit of wisdom in life just because of that limiting believe.
And then we starts to feel distanced from those women who seem to be so clever.
Little that we know, that all we have to do is to simply open up and be attuned to our surroundings, that we will start to understand things for what they truly are.
How to achieve the state of mind of a woman of depth:
Now, you may be thinking, wow, that's a tall order.
But I believe that, there is this side of you, probably so deep inside you, that you may not even notice, as you have been drilled into this society, whereby vulnerability is not encouraged.
These are 8 simple steps that you can practice to bring up that divine side of you, that of a woman of depth,
1. Re-sensitize Yourself
I believe that every single one of us was born sensitive, and not afraid to express our feelings to others.
And then, as we grow older, we came across certain people at possibly the wrong time and place, and got hurt by their action to us.
And because the pain was pretty intense, we close our heart, to protect ourselves. We pretend nothing happened and that we don't feel anything, so we can move on and live our life.
The problem with this coping mechanism is that, when we block our heart from feeling pain, we also block our heart from feeling and understanding the people around us.
We block our heart from the possibility of a deep connection with another beings. We block the possibility of healing others from their pain.
And when we don't take time to feel our pain and surrender to it, we are rejecting that pain. When we reject things that comes our way, we will start to give off the vibe of rejection and in-built anger.
So, start feeling your pain. Remember a time when you feel rejected and abandoned by someone you care, cry to your pillow for 5 minutes.
When you surrender to life and the pain that associates with it, you will have no rejections. This makes the energy that you are emitting to be perceived as soft, gentle, and accepting.
2. Believing That Everybody Does Things for A Reason
The human brain is designed to protects itself and ensure successful procreation for the sustainability of its kind.
Believe it, that every single thing that a person do is to serve a purpose, mostly their own purpose. Most of the things people do have no deliberate intention of hurting you.
Perhaps your man don't text you because he is in the middle of an important and intense task. Perhaps he doesn't pursue you because he is so afraid of coming on too strong on you, and will result in him getting rejected by you. Perhaps he doesn't pursue you because you are not perceived to be 'easy' enough for a quick 'fun session', because you are high value and girlfriend material, and he is not in the position, emotionally or in any other way, to commit to a woman.
A man's brain is hardwired to spread their seed to as many women as possible, so that he can successfully pass his gene to the next generation.
By understanding this point of view, there is no reason for you to take his actions personally.
It's not about you.
You won't probably want to roll your eyes at their behavior anymore, as now you know the reason why they do what they do.
3. Stop and Take The Time to Understand How It Feels Like to be The Other Person
Have you ever stop to think how it feels like to be someone other than yourself? Have you ever wondered how it feels like to be the old man sitting down the park, or that bus driver, or perhaps the one you care so much, your man?
What would be their worries? What could be their fear? What would be the struggle of their lives and who do they fight for?
Perhaps that old man in the park is having a sick wife at home? How would he feel if he does?
That man who pushes you so hard for sex was worrying that he may die as a virgin and never have the chance of passing his gene? Or maybe he just feel so bad for himself that he is unable to score easy sex with any woman that he start to feel a crippling low self-esteem?
Perhaps your man started to feel too excited about your relationship that he started to lose concentration at work and performing badly, and yet he dare not to lament it to you as he is afraid you will judge him of being weak?
As much as it is never your fault that certain people feel a certain way, and that you should never sacrifice yourself for their pursuit, doesn't it feel better when you start to understand why they do things they do?
4. Believing That You Can Add Value to Any Situation
I'm not saying that you always have to do something for things that you perceive as a problem, or things that you perceive as hurting by others.
But by simply understanding and not judging people around you, and instead giving your unconditional presence and acting FROM that understanding of others, you could be one of the millions of people who make their action wrong and judge them for it.
For example, the next time you met a new guy that you are dating, and he keeps pushing you for sex, you can start to act from the understanding as to why he is behaving in that way.
I am not saying that you should quickly let him enter you just because he says that, without sex, he finds no reason to base his feelings on.
Instead, show him and give him what he truly needs; your love and understanding, and forgiveness. Let him see and experience, that perhaps, sex is not all he needs; that he also finds happiness in connecting with you, letting you understand him as to who he is.
Maybe throughout his life, he had never felt such a deep connection with any woman, so that he doesn't know such a great connection could exist.
And perhaps, if you like him so much that you are too scared that he left right after he had sex with you, you communicate that fear from a place of vulnerability, knowing that there's a chance that if sex is all he wants, he will just leave you right away. This way, he will appreciate you for your openness to him, allowing him to feel you deep down.
5. Ask The Other Person As to Why They Act or Behave in A Certain Way
Next time someone does hurtful things to you, have the courage and vulnerability, to look at them in the eye and ask, "Why do you do that?".
Having the answer as to why they do that, or at least feel their body language as they respond to you, will make you understand, instead of keeping that unanswered question in your head and speculating the possibilities whether they are doing it out of bad intentions to you.
This way, you will start to see things from an appreciative angle, instead of blame and hurt.
This way, you will also have a closure and a way to release a pent up hurts and questions.
6. Be Willing to Trust Others
Trust that in every single human there's a good side in them.
Trust that for no reason, they will not deliberately hurt you.
Trust in the process of relationship.
Trust others first, before expecting them to trust you.
Learn how to trust someone first, and when they feel your trust, they will trust you too and will be more willing to open up and trust you.
7. Cultivate The Mindset of Growth
Believe that you can do anything as long as you keep doing it.
Believe that you can find the solution to your problem as long as you relentlessly pursue the wisdom in that area.
Believe that there are still more to yourself that you won't believe you would be able to achieve.
Believe that what is created by human can be solved by human.
This way, you will have the humility to understand that there are things that perhaps you have yet to figure out, that once you do, you will find the answer to your question.
8. Be Vulnerable Enough to Have The Courage to Dream
...even if you THINK your chance to make it happen is slim to none. Have the courage to dream, because it is what your heart truly wants.
Once you are brave enough to dream, your energy will be directed to that dream, and the universe will help you.
Can you remember a time when you feel most resourceful and energetic? How do you achieve that state? Let me know your comment below.
The Profound Woman